What Destiny Is
by Devil of My Family
Summary: Dean's trying as hard as he can to shield Sam from any kind of worries. But can he really do that when he's reaching the breaking point himself? Preseries
1. Chapter 1

**What Destiny Is**

**Summary: **Dean's trying as hard as he can to sheild Sam from any kind of worries. But can he really do that when he's reaching the breaking point himself? Preseries

**AN: **I was thinking about making a long Supernatural fic without without a monster for the brothers to fight. This is what I came up with. Hope ya all like it. R&R

Dean 14, Sam 9

**Warning: **Language

**Disclaimer: **Supernatural is not mine

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**Chapter one**

_...I'm trying to give you the life that I never had _

_I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh _

_I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry _

--

John was gone. Not that it was anything unusual but for the first time in about four years he had not called anyone to check on the boys. Dean was hoping that it meant he had gained some of John's trust back but for some reason he doubted it. The shtriga wasn't something John would forget in just few years.

Dean was shaken away from his thougts by the school bell. Finally! Dean put his stuff in his bag in a blink and was half way out of the door when his teacher called him back. Dean closed his eyes and took a calming breath before turning around to face the middle aged Mrs.Rivers with glasses that made her eyes look twice as big as they really were. Dean hated those glasses. Oh God, he hated them.

"Sit down, would you?" Mrs.Rivers said.

"Is this gonna take long?" Dean asked, looking at the clock. Sam would we pissed if he had to wait alone in the school yard.

"Well, that depends on you. I'm worried about you, Dean."

She had used his first name. She was trying to be nice. Oh, great.

"Why? I thought I was doing pretty good", Dean said, thinking about his report full of B's.

"It's not about your grades. You walk your little brother to school and pick him him up after, right?"

"Yeah..." Dean said. How the hell did the teacher know that, Sam was in another school!

"What time does your Dad usually get home from work?" the teacher asked.

"Uh... about six or seven..." Dean said, trying to make his voice sound as light as he could. He looked outside, It had started raining. Oh, that was just fucking great. If Sam had to wait for long he would catch a cold and that was so not something Dean needed right now.

"So you cook your brother dinner or has your Dad made it ready for you?" Mrs.Rivers asked.

What the hell...? "We usually eat when he comes home. I just fix Sam some snack after school..." Okay, that was a lie. First: John didn't know how to cook, second: Dean couldn't remember the last time they had eaten dinner as a family.

"Isn't that kind of a big responsibility? I mean, Dean, you're only 14 years old. Only thing you should be worrying about is school and... I don't know, girls ."

Okay, so in what world did this woman live in? How many boys in Dean's age worried about school more than girls? And Dean wasn't one of those boys who had to _worry _about girls. He was pretty sure he could charm any girl he set his eyes on. And right now he didn't even want to charm any girls. He wanted to get Sam out of the rain and take him home, help him with his homework and then possibly make his own.

"Dean?"

"What?" Dean shook his head. "Uh, no. I'm happy to take care of him, it's okay. I uh..." Just then a lighting came from the sky, followed by thunder. Oh no... "Mrs.Rivers, I really have to go. It's raining and Sam's probably already waiting for me..."

"I understand. But could you give this to your father to sign?" The teacher gave Dean a letter. "Just so I know everything's really okay." Dean put the letter in his bag, not paying any attention to the teacher anymore. He didn't hear her yelling have a nice day when he ran out of the classroom.

Sam's school wasn't far from Dean's. It was a little bit smaller but looked nicer from the outside and was hell of a lot nicer from the inside. There were swings and other nice stuff on the yard to keep the young boys and girls occupied during the breaks. But it still lacked something. A shelter. Poor Sam was sitting on a swing when Dean ran to the yard. He hated the thunder, he hated the rain and right now he hated Dean, too. When Dean came to him, he just got up, picked up his bag and walked pass him. This was unforgiveble. Dean knew Sam hated thunderstorms.

"Sammy, I'm sorry", Dean said but didn't get a response. "The teacher wanted to talk to me. I got out as fast as I could, I swear. Sammy?"

"I'm cold..." Sam whispered as he sniffed. He looked down, refusing to meet Dean's eyes. Suddenly he felt arms around his shoulders and realized he felt warmer. He looked up and saw that Dean had given him his jacket. Okay, maybe he was just a little angry at Dean. "Won't you get cold?"

"It's not that long way home and you sat in the rain for almost ten minutes", Dean said with a shrug. Sam thought for a second and then held onto the jacket harder. It was too big for him but it was warm and it smelled like Dean. If Sam had felt any anger towards his brother, it had all been forgotten now.

Rest of the way was walked in silence. Everytime a lightning struck Sam went a little closer to Dean, not even realizing it himself. By the time they got home Dean was practically carrying him but didn't say a word to complain. He just sat Sam on the couch and helped him out of his wet clothes and into dry ones and gave him a blanket before making some hot coco. Okay, so maybe he felt a little guilty of being late.

"Thanks, Dean", Sam said as he took the cup that Dean offered.

"No problem, kid", Dean replied.

"You wanna join me?" Sam asked, opening the blanket so Dean would fit in. "We could watch a movie or something", he suggested. He sounded so innocent, just like any other boy that wanted to spend some time with his big brother. He still took those moments for granted. And he should, as Dean kept telling himself. For him the moments he spent with Sam were far more precious. He was just so afraid every single one of them could be the last. "Dean, come on!"

"Alright, let me just go get some dry clothes", Dean said. Sam seemed to be happy with that answer as he settled back on the couch, making sure he left enough room for Dean. It took Dean five minutes to change clothes. By that time Sam had grown anxious and when Dean finally joined him on the couch he no longer wanted to watch a movie, if he ever had. It seemed like everything that could possibly happen in school had happened today.

"...and then Tim showed us his spider. It was really big and hairy. He said it was really dangerous. That if it would bite you, you would die. And he showed it to little boys and girls, too!" Dean wanted to laugh at that. So Sam wasn't a little boy anymore, huh? "...and they wanted to touch it and Tim almost let them! It was horrible, how could he do that? He had just said that the spider could kill and then he almost let little children touch it!" Sam's cheeks were read. He couldn't understand why someone would do something like that.

"Almost, right? What stopped him?" Dean asked.

"I did..." Sam answered quietly, looking away.

"You did? How?"

"I just told him to stop and then I told the kids what the spider could do. They got really scared and ran away. Tim was really mad", Sam said, his voice still quiet.

"Did he hurt you?" Dean asked.

"He told me to mind my own business", Sam said, avoiding the question.

"Yeah, but did he hurt you?"

"He said I was stupid and too little to understand. He's only a month older than me. And I'm better at school, teachers always yell at him about everything. He's really stupid..."

"Where did he hurt you?" Sam blinked. He hadn't said Tim had hurt him, how had Dean guessed? "Sammy, tell me where he hurt you", Dean said calmly, looking Sam straight in the eye. Sam bit his lower lip. "Sam."

"He pushed me and I fell... I didn't get any scratches or anything. It just... hurt..." Sam said. His voice told Dean that he was blaming more himself than Tim. "I shouldn't have said anything", Sam said.

"Hey. What do you would have happened if you hadn't? I'm proud that you stood up for those kids", Dean said. Sam looked up to him.

"You're proud of me?"

"You bet I am! And if you want I can go talk to that Tim guy about what happens when you mess with my little brother", Dean said.

"You don't have to. I'll just tell our teacher what he did and I bet he's gonna get detention for like a month", Sam said, happy with the idea. "You gonna help me with my homework?" he asked, going from one subject to another with a blink.

"Sure if you need any help. Go get your books."

--

"When's Dad gonna get back?" Sam asked. They were sitting in a kitchen eating mac and cheese that Dean had made. Sam asked that every night that John was gone. It had grown to be a habit.

"In no time." Also a habit. Dean had no idea when John's was gonna get back. Few years ago John had said he would say exactly when he'd be back and he was always back by then but now he just said the hunt would take a while and leave. Sometimes he would back in couple of days, sometimes he'd be gone for two weeks.

"It'd be nice if would come home for my birthday..."

_Oh shit. _Sam's birthday. It was only a few days away. Not that Dean had forgotten, he had it all planned out. But John probably had. He sure didn't remember Dean's. And even if he did remember Sam's he might not make it back by then.

Dean sighed. "Yeah, it would", he admitted. It would be an excuse to have a little better dinner as a family, do something nice.

"I don't want a party", Sam said.

"I know you don't, Sammy", Dean replied. He was just about to assure Sam John would be back by the time of Sam's birthday when the phone rang.

"You think that's Dad?" Sam asked. The ringing stopped after two times. "It's Dad!" Sam said. When the ringing started again. He got up and went to the phone. "Dad?" The smile on Sam's face dropped and Dean's heart skipped a beat. What? "Okay... Dean..."

Dean was confused, worried and scared. This couldn't be good. He took the phone from Sam and after a calming sigh put it on his ear. "Hello?"

_"Hey, Dean. It's pastor Jim."_

_Oh no... _"Hey. What's going on?" Dean asked, aware of Sam standing next to him.

_"Dean uh... It's your Dad..." _

"He's okay, right?" Dean said, his voice edging with the growing fear.

_"He's in a hospital, Dean. It looks pretty bad..." _

_No... _This couldn't be happening... "What do you mean, what happened?" Dean asked. Sam's eyes went wide.

_"I don't really know... Caleb's finishing the hunt that they were on. It's gonna take a couple of days and then he's gonna pick you up..."_

"Wait, wait, wait, what? In a couple of days? Pastor Jim, we can't wait that long! He's our Dad!"

"What's wrong with Dad?" Sam asked but Dean didn't answer.

_"Dean, I can't come and get you and you guyr are pretty far away..."_

"We could come with a bus..."

_"It's only a couple of days. By then the doctors know more. And who knows, maybe your Dad is better by then."_

"But..."

_"I have to go now. Take care of Sam. Caleb will come to pick you up, okay? Bye."_

"Pastor..." But pastor Jim had already hung up. Dean put the phone down. He felt numb... His mind was completely empty and

_But it's just something we have no control over and that's what destiny is _

_But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep _

_Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream _


	2. Chapter 2

**What Destiny Is**

**AN: **Okay, sorry... Took me longer than I thought. I have a lot going on since I only have about three weeks of school left before summer (yey!!). But anyway, I hope you like this chapter.

**Warnings: **Language

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Supernatural

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**Chapter two**

"Dean? Dean, please say something. What's going on? Why did pastor Jim call? Where's Dad? Dean!" Sam's voice was high with panic. Dean struggled to get a breath, telling himself he had to tell Sam everything was okay. That everything was going to be okay. "Dean...?"

"Everything is fine, Sammy..." Dean managed to say.

"No, it's not! Where's Dad, why can't we go to him? Pastor Jim sounded weird. What's going on, Dean?" Sam asked. He was nine, almost ten, dammet! He refused to be lied to. Dean would never lie to him, right?

Dean sighed. He couldn't tell Sam. That would just make him panic and think that John was gonna die when that was not going to happen. No way, nuh-uh. "Sam, why don't we go watch that movie, okay?"

"No!" Sam yelled. "Tell me what's going on, I want to know!"

"Sammy..."

"Don't call me Sammy! I'm nearly ten, I want to know what's happe..."

"Sam, please, drop it! It's nothing, Caleb's gonna pick us up in couple of days..."

"Why? Why Caleb? Where's Dad?" Sam asked.

"Uh..."

"Is he hurt? Tell me, Dean!" Sam didn't even realize his mistake. He shouldn't sound like he was gonna break in tears right after he found out the truth. He wouldn't be able to handle it. Not now, not just before his birthday.

"Sam, Dad's just... exhausted from the hunt. It took a lot out of him. Caleb's gonna finish it and then he's gonna pick us up", Dean said. It wasn't like he was lying. John must be exhausted. Dean just let the part with blood and broken bones out of the story.

Sam looked at Dean, trying to find any evidence that he was lying. He didn't want to. If John was just tired then that meant that he was fine otherwise. So if Sam found something in Dean's face that screamed 'liar' then he chose to ignore it. "Do we have to watch a movie?"

Dean sighed in relief. If he could keep Sam in the dark for the next two days they would be fine. "No. But what do you wanna do then?"

--

"That's not a word!"

"Yes it is!"

"It doesn't mean _anything!" _

"How do you know that?"

"How do you know it does?"

"Because I'm older than you", Dean said simply. No, he had no idea did the word 'jasenga' mean anything but Sam didn't know either, as smart as he was. Besides, it gave him 23 points. "Suck it up, Sammy. I know more words than you do."

"I will be smarter than you one day", Sam said, looking at his letters.

"Yeah, sure."

"And taller."

"In your dreams."

"Better driver."

"You wish."

"More handsome."

"Hey hey hey!" Dean yelled.

"What?" Sam asked innocently.

"Can't let you have too big dreams. You'll crush when you find out none of them will come true", Dean replied.

"Oh yeah, how do you know what the future is gonna bring?" Sam asked.

"Oh, I don't think you know everything about me, Sammy", Dean said.

"Yeah. Like anyone could be able to tell the future", Sam said, laughing. Dean smiled a little. At least he had got Sam's mind out of their Dad. For now... But how the hell was Dean gonna explain it if John wasn't better by the time they got there? What if he had actually gotten worse? What if he was...

Dean shook his head. He wasn't gonna go there. Last thing Sam needed was a lying big brother that was losing it. Dean only had to keep it together for couple of days then he could lock up somewhere and let it out. Not that he wanted to cry like a girl but right now he felt like it could feel kinda good. It had only been about two hours since Jim had called and he already felt like he wouldn't be able to handle it. The teacher hadn't been completely wrong about the big responsibility.

"Dean? Your turn", Sam said. Dean looked down at the scrabble board and frowned.

"_That _is not a word", he said.

"It is, I heard it in school today. This is the type of Tim's spider", Sam explained, proud of himself.

"Yeah, right", Dean said. "You can't use it if I don't know it's a word."

"You used yours!" Sam argued.

"Yeah, cuz I'm older and know more about stuff", Dean said.

"But this is a spider! Check it from the dictionary or something, I'm telling you, it is..."

"Sure it is but even if it is you will have to go to shower now cuz it's almost time for bed so that means that I win", Dean announced and got up.

Sam looked at the clock. "It's only nine", he said.

"And we'll have to be at school at eight so don't argue and go to shower", Dean said. Sam mumbled something under his breath and got up from the table and went to the bathroom. Once Dean heard the door closing he sank back to the chair, putting his head into his hands. For what he knew, John could be dead and Caled and pastor JIm were coming up with the best way to tell the boys. Or to tell Dean because no way was no one else but Dean gonna tell Sam they were now alone.

Oh God, that was too horrible to think about. If John would die (Dean was trying so hard to make himself stop thinking that) it was more than likely that socialworkers would take Dean and Sam. And in worst case they would go to different families that were so far away from each other they wouldn't be able to meet. What was Sam gonna do without... No, what was Dean gonna do without Sam? Sam was social, he could get new friends, maybe his family would have other kids and they would become Sam's siblings... He would get use to the normal life and enjoy it. But what about Dean? He was way too much into this life to get use to anything else. He would go nuts if he didn't know where Sam was or what he was doing or was he safe. Hell, he would go crazy just because he didn't see Sam everyday.

Dean got up. He had to get a grip. He couldn't fall apart, he had to make sure Sam was okay. If John trusted Dean enough to leave Sam alone with him Dean was so gonna keep the boy happy, safe and put of worries for that time.

"I'm done. Can we finish the scrabble?"

Sam's voice shook Dean away from his thoughts. The boy was in his pajamas, looking totally happy and out of worries to Dean. Good. That was good. "Uh... Why don't we just go and watch TV, huh? Something good should be on by now."

--

"Five more minutes, come on, Dean!"

Dean shook his head. "You're gonna say that in the morning, too. Now come on or I won't sing you a lullaby."

"I don't need a lullaby!" Sam yelled, a little hurt.

"Joking, dude! But seriously, it's pass ten. What is your teacher gonna think if you fall asleep during a class?"

"But..."

"No buts. Go to bed, I'll be right there", Dean said, his voice telling that the conversation was over. Sam wanted to argue, knowing that Dean wasn't gonna go to sleep for at least two hours but didn't say anything. It was not like he could win.

Sam went to the bed room he and Dean shared and got into bed. Now that he was alone he had time to think about everything. Dean never lied to Sam but it still didn't make any sense that pastor Jim would call and not John. Surely John could make one phone call even if he was tired. Just to tell his boys he was okay...

Sam heard the bedroom door opening. What the hell? Dean never, _ever, _came to bed this early. Never. "Sammy?"

"Yeah?" Sam said, though he was very confused now.

"Sam, I need you to promise me something."

Sam sat up. What the hell was going on? "What?"

"Whatever happens, _promise me _you'll never let anyone take you. No matter how nice they seem. They tell you you're gonna be safe and loved and they might be telling the truth... But they'll take you away from me."

Sam's eyes widened. "What? Why? You talking about a demon?"

Dean cleared his throat. "Not exactly... These guys are humans..."

"Why would they take me away from you?"

"Cuz they think you'd be happier and safer that way..."

"But they're wrong!" Sam yelled. "They're wrong... They don't know anything about... anything? Dean, why would they take me? Can't you come, too?"

"Sam, if these kind of people ever come to you, you come straight home and tell me about it, got it?" Sam bit his lower lip. "Got it?"

"Yeah... But Dean, why would they come? I don't wanna go away."

"Sammy..."

"Don't let them take me!" Sam suddenly yelled, getting up. He looked at Dean, pleading. "What do they look like? I have to know if they come... What if they just take me or follow me? Dean, what if..."

"Sam! I don't think they're gonna come. I just had to make sure you know these kind of people are out there", Dean said. God, he felt selfish. Sam had no idea how wonderful life he would get if he would go with those people but Dean didn't want him to know. Sam was his Sammy. No one elses.

"Thank you."

"What?"

"Thank you. For telling me. I might have gone with them if you wouldn't have told... Or they could have taken me..."

Dean couldn't take it anymore. He sat next to Sam and put his arms around the younger boy. Sam didn't protest, this hardly never happened anymore. "I won't let it happen, Sammy. I'll never let them take you.

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

**...tbc...**

**AN: **Tell me what you think, please! I promise I'll be back with a new chapter in a week. I promise!

Lots of Love


	3. Chapter 3

**What Destiny Is**

**AN: **Thank you for the reviews, they make me smile everytime I get them :D Okay, so in this chapter, there is going to be some serious angst.

**Warnings: **Language

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Supernatural

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

**Chapter three**

Dean watched Sam sleep. He was aware thet he had school next morning and that the clock was reaching 2 am but he just couldn't take his eyes off the younger boy. Dean had no idea why he had scared Sam, there was no reason to start telling him about social workers... But if John was going to die, Dean had to make 100 percent sure no one was gonna take Sam away. Ever.

Dean sighed. He knew he had to get some sleep. His teacher was already watching him like a hawk, if he would fall asleep during a class she would no doubt suspect that something was wrong. Not that she would be mistaken, something _was _wrong but she didn't have to know that. Sighing again Dean lied down on his bed. Maybe pastor Jim would call tomorrow and tell them that John was better. Maybe Caled would show up and take them to him. Maybe everything was gonna work out.

Maybe.

--

Dean should have known. He should have seen it coming. But he hadn't. He was hoping so much someone would call and tell him everything was alright that he had no idea things could get worse. Not on this sunny Friday afternoon. Not when the weekend was starting and there was five minutes of the last class left. On this day nothing could possibly make things worse.

Or so Dean had thought.

"Dean, may I speak to you again?"

_Oh for heaven's sake, leave me alone! _"Yes, Mrs. Rivers?"

"Did your dad sign the letter I gave you?"

_Fuck. _"Uh... no. I forgot to gave it to him, sorry..." Dean said quietly.

"Oh... Well, bring it to me on Monday then", Mrs. Rivers said.

"Yeah, sure. Can I go now?"

"Yes, you..."

Dean was out of the classroom before she could finish her sentence. He refused to be so much late this time. Two days in a row, I mean, come on... Even a worse big brother than Dean would know it was bad. So to Dean's luck it was only seven minutes over two when he got to the Sam's school yard. It was empty 'cept for two girls that sat on the swings. And Sam was nowhere to be seen. He wasn't there. Dean knew however mad Sam was at him he would never leave the school yard before he came. Never.

"Sammy?" No reply. Sam didn't appear from a bush laughing like crazy or ran from behind a tree in a attemp to scare Dean. He wasn't on the school yard. "Damn it!" Dean started to run. If Sam had left sure he was wise enough to go straight home. Right? "You're in a big trouble... Oh, thank God..." Sam was sitting on a bus stop on the way to their house. His eyes were fixed on his shoes as Dean came to him. "Sam? What the hell were you thinking, why would you leave the school yard like that? You're suppose to wait for me, you know that!" Dean said, fighting hard not to yell.

"Sorry..."

"'Sorry'?" Dean repeated. "You leave from the school yard, give me a freaking heart attack and all you can say is 'sorry'? You have to give me a little bit more than that, Sammy."

Sam bit his lower lip. His eyes were still fixed on his shoes but now they were shining with tears. "There were... There were... uh... those people you told me about yesterday... They came to our school..."

Dean's heart started to pound faster. "What? How do you know? What were they doing there?" he asked.

"They wanted to talk to some girl in our class. I heard them talk to her. They told her everything you told they would tell me, that she would be happy and safe. I wanted to tell her that they were wrong, thay they were just trying to take her away from your family but I was afraid... I was gonna go home but then I thought maybe they knew where we live and..." Sam stopped to take a breath. "...come for me next... And that they would have come before you and take me away..."

Dean swallowed. "Let's go home, Sammy."

"But Dean..."

"I told you, I'm not letting them take you. Now come on, we can't sit here all day, can we?"

"Dean! They might come for me! Why'd you wanna go home where they might be waiting?"

Oh man, Dean had really freaked the youngest Winchester out. He was only planning to warn Sam, not make him panic over nothing. "No one's gonna take you, I've told ou that now three times. They're not in there, okay?" Dean said.

"How do you know? How do you know they're not in there?" Sam asked.

"They were talking to that little girl, right? If they had wanted you they would have come and get you. And they didn't. You're perfectly safe with me, Sammy. I promise."

Sam eyed his older brother for a second. Dean seemed to be pretty sure. But what if he was wrong? Or was there a chance he wanted to be wrong...? "When's Dad coming home?"

That hurt. That really hurt. Askind when John was coming home right after Dean had promised something to Sam meant that Sam didn't trust his big brother. And that freaking hurt. "I don't know, Sammy. But he won't find us here, will he? Come on now. Let's go home."

After few more seconds of hesitating Sam stood up and started to walk home. They didn't say anything on the way there and not even when they came to the house. Sam took out all his school books and started to make homework at the kitchen table while Dean turned the TV on and let his mind go numb by watching shoppingTV.

Did Sam really not trust Dean? I mean sure even Dean felt saver when John was around but... Gosh... Dean broke his gaze free from the TV to look at his baby brother. The boy was doing his homework but it just shone from him that he didn't put his whole mind into it. Dean knew that a half of Sam's concentration was fixed to hear any suspicious sounds. Like someone knocking the door, in this case.

"No one's coming for you, Sammy", Dean said. Sam looked up from his books, a surprised look on his face. "You don't have to worry, alright?" Sam nodded and turned back to his books and Dean didn't think for a second that Sam believed him. He got from the couch and went to the kitchen. He sat down opposite Sam and waited until Sam looked up to meet his gaze. "Why don't you believe me? I swear, no one's coming. I just wanted to warn you, okay?" Sam didn't answer. "Sammy?"

"You sure you don't want them to take me?" Sam suddenly asked.

"What?!"

"You were so eager to come home after you heard I saw those people in the school. What if you want them to take me away? What if you really think of me that I am a burden and you'd be much better without me? What if I'm just the stupid little brother you have to pick up from school every day and..."

"Sam, hold it right there!" Dean ordered, his voice now angry. How could Sam even think something like that? "I would never, _ever_, do anything like that to you! And I do _not _think like that about you! Where in the hell did you get that idea from? Huh? Is it because I was so late yesterday or what? And you better start talking, Samuel, cuz I would really like to know what's going on in that head of yours."

Sam stared at Dean. Only John called him 'Samuel' and that was only when he was really, really, mad. And speaking about John... "Dad's been away longer than usual. He was suppose to come back already, he said it was a simple hunt! And you just keep taking care of me. You're worried, too, I know that but you don't let it show. Instead you just keep looking after me. And it's not your job, it's Dad's and it makes me feel like a burden!"

_What the hell...?_ "You're worried about Dad?" Dean asked. Sam nodded. "And you feel like you're a burden?" Sam nodded again. Dean sighed. "Well, first of all, it _is _my job as I'm your big brother. You see, we tend to look after our younger siblings. And second of all, you don't have to be worried about Dad, alright? That is not _your _job. We're going to see him soon, I promise. And for whatever reason you feel like a burden, for Christ's sake, Sammy... You really think I would have kept you with me this long if you were any kind of burden for me? Do you think I would have warned you about those people. No. I wouldn't have. You're my Sammy, not a burden. Got that?" Sam just kept looking at Dean, without saying anything. "I said, you got that?"

"I got it."

"Good. Now finish your homework."

--

"Dean! Dean, wake up!!"

"...What...?" Dean opened his eyes and realized he had fallen asleep on the couch. "What's up, Sammy?"

"You lied to me!" Sam yelled, his voice breaking.

"Huh...?"

"Pastor Jim called."

_**FUCK!!! **_"He did...?"

"Yes. He wanted to talk to you but I said you were asleep and that you had told me everything so that he could talk to me. Why didn't you tell me? You said he was only tired!" Sam yelled. He was furious, he was scared, he felt betrayed. This wasn't something you kept from your little brother!

"Sammy..."

"Don't call me Sammy! He's hurt! He's hurt bad and you didn't tell me! Why? Cuz you think I'm too young? Cuz you think I wouldn't be able to handle it? Why? And I bet you don't have good explanation for this. You lied to me! You freaking lied to me!" Sam was almost screaming now. He had trusted Dean, how could he do this?

"I... I didn't mean to... I was hoping that this would be all over in couple of days... I was hoping you would never have to know..."

"Dean..."

"Listen to me! _I'm_ barely holding it together and I'm suppose to look after _you_! You shouldn't have to worry about this! It's not fair for you. I was just trying to keep you happy, to protect you from this... fear that I'm feeling. I know he's hurt bad! I know! And you wanna know everything? Well, _Sam_, he might die. He might die and if that happens the social workes _will _come and take you. And at that point, no matter how hard I tried, I wouldn't be able to stop them. Cuz I can't protect you from everything! I can protect you from a werewolf, a psycho killer or... some God forsaken person that is trying to stab you in the back but I can't stop them if they come and take you away! But I tried to protect you from this. You didn't have to know, Sammy..."

Dean's eyes were shinig. Sam thought that was weird. Dean's eyes always shined when something seriously bad happened... "But... but I wouldn't... I wouldn't wanna go..." Sam said.

"They wouldn't care."

"What? Don't they know I'll be better with you? But... but Dad won't die, right? I mean, he's... he's Dad! Dad doesn't die! He's our dad! I'd become sad if he died, I would! I'd be sad if he would die, I'd be sad if you died... You're not gonna die, right? Right, Dean? If they take me away, what's gonna happen to you? Will they kill you? Will hey kill you cuz they think you're bad brother? Because you lied? I'm not angry anymore, Dean! I'm not angry! You're a good brother! You're the best ever! They're not gonna kill you, right? They can't kill you, I will stop them... I will..."

"Sam!" Dean got a hold of Sam's shoulders. The boy was panicking, he was panicking big time. "Sammy, it's okay. It's all okay. No one's gonna take you."

"But you just said you wouldn't..."

"Dad won't die, Sam. I swear to you, he is gonna be okay."

"You said he might..."

"I lied again." _I'm so not going to Heaven. _"I was angry, it just came out of me. Dad's not gonna die, the doctors are gonna take a good care of him. Dad's gonna be fine."

Sam sniffed. "You promise?"

"I promise."

"And this time you're not lying?"

"No, I'm not." _Hell has it's own room for me..._

"Good." Sam climbed next to Dean and curled up into a ball to his side. "You're the best brother..."

_Oh, Sammy, if you only knew..._

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

**AN: **Yeah yeah, took me quite a while... aaanyway...

For those who noticed there was a ...uh... detail from **All Hell Breaks Loose, part 1 **so please, if you saw it, don't point it out in your reviews (if I get any) because I know there are people who haven't seen it yet. Like my friend, who will kill me if she finds out what happened before the episode actually airs here in Finland.

So, tell me what you think and do you want more angst. I said it would be realy angsty and I don't think it is THAT angsty so I'm planning to make even angstier (is that a word...?) one.

Lots of Love! (Sorry for spelling mistakes)


	4. Chapter 4

**What Destiny Is**

**AN: **Took me a while again, eh? But hey, you got to understand, two weeks of school left, I've got lots to do. Anyway, here's the next chapter.

**Warning: **Language

**Disclaimer: **Just doing this for fun, not getting any money. I don't own Supernatural

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

**Chapter four **

This sucked out loud. Dean had it all planned out. Sam's birthday. It would have been fun, even if John would not have been there. Dean had planned it for weeks. But now Dean knew that if he even suggested to Sam that they would celebrate the boy would probably hate him for the rest of his life. And Dean was not gonna take that chance.

Dean sighed. He had finally been able to convince Sam to go to sleep but he himself knew he wasn't gonna be able to. His mind was working too hard. Would the social workers really make Dean and Sam go to different families or was that just Dean's wild imagination? Didn't they usually put siblings to same families? Yeah, cuz everyone wanted a brand new teenager to the family. Cocky, sarcatic teenager who was overprotective towards his polite, sweet and oh so cute little brother who could melt anyone's heart. What a nice Merry Christmas card would they make...

_Stop it!!!_ Dean yelled at himself. No one had called him, John was still alive. It was only a matter of time that Caleb would come and get them. They would see their dad. Not long anymore.

Speak of the devil... Dean jerked up in his bed when he heard a knock on the door. It was so late, it could not be anyone else, right? Careful not to wake Sam up Dean made his way to the front door. And for once his wish came true.

"Caleb?"

"Hey, kid... Sorry it took me so long. You and Sam okay?" Caleb, the hunter Dean use to idolize when he was younger (no way did he do that anymore), asked.

"Yeah, we're fine. I just got to go wake him up, can we go then?" Dean asked.

"If you're up for it, we could spend the night..." Caleb wasn't even finished when Dean had already ran to his and Sam's bedroom.

"Sammy! Sam, wake up, buddy..." Dean said, collecting some stuff to a dufflebag.

"What? What's going on?" Sam asked, sleepily.

"Caleb came, we gotta go", Dean answered. Suddenly Sam was up and... well not so wide awake but up anyway.

"We're gonna see Dad?" he asked.

"Yeah, we're are, come on." Sam didn't even bother to ask some time to change. He could do that when they got there.

"Hey, kid..."

"Have you seen him? Is he hurt bad?" Sam asked when he saw the older hunter. Caleb looked from the nine year old to the teen having no idea how he should reply. The truth would probably send Sam into tears and he was quite sure Dean wouldn't be able to handle it either. So maybe lying would be a good thing. Just this once.

"Uh... I don't know Sam. But I'm gonna get you to him now, okay?" Caleb felt Dean's eyes on him, sensing that the boy knew he was lying. But Sam seemed to be okay with his answer. He nodded and followed Caleb to the car. He realized Dean was going to sit in the front and knew it was childish but couldn't help it:

"Dean?"

Dean looked at Sam who was looking at him with his puppy eyes. The kid was too ashamed to ask but too scared not to try. And as chicky flicky as Dean found it, he sighed and went with Sam to the back seat. Caleb said nothing. In this situation he knew it was better to shut up.

"It's gonna take about four hours, I suggest you guys get some sleep", Calebs said. The boys said nothing. Sam had snuggled as close to Dean as he could get and Dean held on to the kid, trying to silently tell him everything was gonna be okay. Cuz everything _was_ going to be okay, no doubt about it.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, Sammy?"

"Will Dad be mad at me?"

Dean turned to look at Sam, surprised. "Of course not. Why?"

"He said this hunt could be good training to you. He wanted you to go along. But I wanted you to stay with me... You could have helped Dad... he might not be hurt..."

"Sammy..."

"And you know what else? I was afraid _you _were gonna get hurt. I never thought Dad could get hurt, he's so good. So I made you stay. Is Dad gonna be angry?"

Dean noticed that Caleb was looking at them from the mirror. This was one of those conversations Dean would like to have alone with Sam. "No, Sammy. Dad's not gonna be angry. He's gonna be happy that we came to see him..." Dean said. Sam's eyes lightened up.

"So he's awake?"

_Crap... _"I... I don't know, Sam..." Sam's face fell again.

"People can't sleep forever..." he muttered under his breath.

_Oh yes they can, Sammy... _"I guess not." If it was possible Sam snuggled even closer.

" 'M tired... "

"Go to sleep, Sam. I'll wake you up when we're there."

Sam didn't want to sleep. He wanted to stay up. What if someone called on the way to the hospital... He had to stay awake...

--

Sam woke when someone called his name. After blinking and rubbing his tired eyes he realized that someone was Dean. Why would Dean wake him so early on a Saturday morning? Suddenly Sam's eyes went wide.

"We're there?"

"Yeah, come on. Pastor Jim's waiting for us."

Sam didn't have to be asked twice. Once out of the car he realized how big the hospital was. How in the world would they find Dad from there? "You sure he's there?" Sam asked a little fearfully.

"Yeah. What's the matter? You've been to hospitals before", Dean said. His voice was light but he was scared out of his mind. He had no idea what was waiting for them inside. He hated hospitals. Oh man, he hated hospitals.

Sam and Dean followed Caleb through the hospital doors. They didn't stop at the reception, just kept walking. Caleb led them deeper and deeper into the hospital and Dean felt like he was being eaten by a big white whale. Everything was white. The doctors were white, the nurses were white, the walls were white, the patiens were white.

"Here."

Dean shook his head and when Sam let go of his hand he noticed he had took a hold of it. They were standing outside of a hospital room that looked just like the other ones. But it wasn't just like the other ones to Dean. Inside of that room was his Dad, lying in one of those big beds, and that made it so much different to Dean.

"Can we go in?" Sam asked.

"Of course", came another familiar voice and just then Dean realized pastor Jim was there, too. Dean wasn't able to get one word from his mouth when Sam had already went in. Alarmed by the thought of Sam alone in a big hospital room Dean went after him. But he didn't go fast... He was in no hurry to get in that room.

"Hey, Dad..." Dean heard Sam say when he came to the doorway. "We're here, me and Dean, you can wake up now. Or are you dreaming? You can watch the dream but you have to wake up then, okay? It's my birthday tomorrow, Daddy..." Dean realized he hadn't heard Daddy in quite a while. "I know it must be a good dream that you're having but I would be really happy if you woke up. Or... Dad, are you dreaming about Mom? Cuz then it would be okay... That you slept through my birthday. But you will have to tell me everything after that, okay? That could be my birthday present..."

That's it, Dean couldn't take it anymore. He never made it completely inside his Dad's room when he turned around and ran out of the hospital. He could hear pastor Jim and Caleb calling after him but he didn't stop 'til he was safely outside. There he sat on a bench, knowing that he wasn't gonna be alone very long. But just thirty seconds was perfect for him right now.

"Dean?" Okay, maybe he needed a little while longer. But because he didn't say it outloud, Caleb sat next to him. "You scared Sam, running away like that."

"He's safe", Dean mumbled, feeling a touch of guilt.

"Yeah. But he doesn't know that. Not when you're not around."

"I just... needed a second."

"It's okay. He knows."

There was a silence. "I had it all planned out."

"Huh?"

"Sam's birthday. It's tomorrow. He never wants a party. He's probably scared that no one will show up. It's stupid really, he has a lot of friends. But he still doesn't want a party. So I had saved money and bought three tickets to a baseball game that was in a town nearby. I had even made sure the busses were save in a case Dad wouldn't show up by then. Sam loves baseball. I knew Dad was gonna be pissed if he came home and figured out we had gone to a baseball game with a bus but I didn't care. As long as he was gonna be mad at me it was gonna be okay. Sam would have loved that..."

Caleb smiled a little. "I'm sure he would have."

"This sucks. Sam will be perfectly happy if his birthday present is Dad waking up. And that's just not right! He should have the big party with all of his friends! This is just not fair!"

"It's not fair for you either, you know", Caleb said.

"What?"

"You think I didn't notice that you didn't sleep on the way over here? This is way more responsibility anyone at your age should handle. And I'm know what you're gonna say, that's what you always say, that you're happy with it but it's not fair, no matter how happy you say you are. I know you love Sam, of course you do but... Dean, it's okay to ask for help."

Dean had to blink hard to fight back tears. "I... I'm just scared... that if I ask for help someone will misunderstand and take Sam away. To a normal family. Away from me..."

"I promise you, no one will ever take Sam away from you. You're brothers! You're always gonna be together!"

"Yeah? Well, one day he's gonna go to college, I just know that. The kid is too smart for his own good. And then he's gonna be away! And I can't watch out for him when he's away!" Dean said. Where the hell was this coming from, he had no idea.

"Him going to college doesn't mean you can't be together. I mean, you're gonna go first, right?"

Dean chuckled, not at all happy. "Yeah. Right..."

"What, you're not gonna...?"

"I think I'm gonna go back inside. Don't wanna scare Sam more." He wanted to talk, it felt good but it was just too much now. Maybe later...

"Dean! Where'd you go?" Sam asked when Dean came to the room. He took it all in at once. John lying on the hospital bed, piiping noices, tubes, machines... Oh man, he hated hospitals.

"Just... had to use the restroom..." This time Sam knew Dean was lying. "You okay, kid?"

"I'm fine. You think he's gonna wake up tomorrow?" Sam asked. 

"Don't know, Sammy. I really don't", Dean answered, sitting to the chair next to Sam's.

"You think he remembers it's my birthday?"

"'Course he does."

"Does he even know we're here?"

Dean sighed. Probably not. He didn't say it, just motioned Sam to come to him. Sam did so, climbing to Dean's lap, something he hadn't done in at least two years. "I'm sure he does, Sammy."

_God, if you're up there and if you're hearing this... I'm sorry but I can't be sorry for lying to him... I have to protect him... and I'm not sorry for that._

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

**...tbc...**

**AN:** I just heard Supernatural is gonna get a third season... You should see me right now, I'm smiling like an idiot. At least my sister thinks so. Anyway, let me know what you think again, alright?

Lots of Love!


	5. Chapter 5

**What Destiny Is**

**AN: **Yes, yes, sorry again, but here is the next chapter.

**Warnings: **Language

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Supernatural

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

_I know you have a little life in you yet.  
I know you have a lot of strength left.  
I know you have a little life in you yet.  
I know you have a lot of strength left.  
_

**Chapter five**

Sam had fallen asleep again. Dean didn't have the heart to wake him up, even if he was getting really uncomfortable with Sam in his lap. He had been awake for so long he felt like he would fall down as soon as he even tried to walk. So he just stayed where he was, arms tightly around the younger boy.

_You sure look peaceful..._ Dean thought bitterly as he looked at John. "You couldn't just... Call for help? And they wonder why am I so stubborn that I never ask for anyone for help! They think it's too much responsibility for me. They all do, Caleb, my teacher, I think even Sammy thinks so. You and I are the only ones that don't. And you and I are the only ones right. I can take care of Sam, I _want_ to take care of Sam but... Dad, I can't become his... dad. You have to wake up."

Sam opened his eyes slowly, listening to Dean's quiet and, amazingly, even voice.

"You can't leave us here alone. Even if Caleb's right and no one would take Sam it would still just be too hard. I can't do it, Dad. I love Sam too much. I wouldn't be able to offer him what I'm suppose to. I can't take care of him all the time when I don't even know am _I _old enough not to be taken care of. I grew up the night Mom died. But even _you _need to be taken care of sometimes, why should I need to learn how to take care of myself when I'm still goddammit 14!"

Dean had never complained before. Never. But he was just so scared, just so freaking close to just... do something very stupid he couldn't hold it back. No one would hear. 'Cept for the almost ten year old little boy who wanted nothing more than to just hug the breath out of big brother.

"It's Sammy's birthday tomorrow, Dad. And all he wants is for you to wake up. I bought him tickets for a baseball game and all he wants is for you to wake up. That's not fair. That's not fair for Sam and _fuck _it isn't fair for me. I could've bought so much with that money but I wanted Sammy's 10th birthday to be special, he's waited for this for so long! _I _wanted to see that game. For once I wanted us all do something together. Something fun so no, a midnight talk in a goddamn hospital room doesn't count."

A sigh escaped Dean's mouth and a single tear rolled down on his cheek.

"Wake up, Dad. For Sam, just... wake up."

It took a moment for Dean to register that two arms had made their way behind his neck. "It's okay, Dean. I'll take care of you for a minute", Sam whispered. Just for a minute, just for a time Dean could take it. Dean tightneded his hold of his brother a little more and buried his head on his shoulder. Sam felt a little smile come onto his face. Maybe he could help Dean a little.

--

_"Now it needs a pair", Sam announced as he looked at his hand._

_"What?" Dean asked, confused._

_"It needs a pair. I'm now one full hand old. When will I be two full hands old?" Sam asked._

_"In five years, Sam", Dean answered, smiling._

_"But I __**am **__five!" Sam pointed out._

_"Yes, but in five years you're gonna be ten. Two full hands. Like I almost am", Dean explained. _

_"Will I be as smart and tall?" Sam asked exitedly. Dean laughed._

_"Don't know. Would you like to be?" Dean asked._

_"Yes!" Sam replied, smiling widely. "I'll be just like you!" he said. _

_"You'll never be just like me, kiddo."_

_"Why?" There was disappointment in Sam's voice._

_"Cuz I'm your big brother. And I look out for you and take care of you. That's my job."_

_"But it's my job, too!" Sam said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I wanna take care of you, Dean! If you get into a trouble, I wanna safe you!"_

_"Why?"_

_"Cuz... I don't want you to get hurt. Or... you to go away. Like Mommy..."_

_Dean smiled a little. "Well. Let's hope I'll never get into that much trouble."_

--

Dean woke up to realize Sam was no longer sitting in his lap. Looking around his heart pounding he found Sam sleeping in another chair. Dean fell back on his own chair and allowed himself to relax. It must had been some time of the afternoon since the hall outside the room was kinda busy. Dean's sleep rythm was screwed to hell but at least he had got some sleep.

"Hungry?" Dean turned around to see Caleb in the doorway. He was about to say no when his stomach made a funny sound. Caleb smiled and brought him a cheeseburger.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Dean unwrapped the paper that covered the burger that smelled so sweet after so many nights of just mac and cheese. "What time is it?" he asked as he took his first bite.

"About 4 pm", Caleb replied.

"Great. So I won't be sleeping this night either", Dean mumbled and took another bite. "What happened anyway?" he asked, nodding at John.

Caleb bit his lower lip. Yes, Dean should know. No, it wouldn't make much of a difference. Sighing Caleb took a third chair and sat down. "I don't really know everything. John called me to help on this hunt. It was an empty house. The spirit that had died in there had killed so far everyone who dared to go in. By the time I got there John was already fighting it. I don't know how but the spirit got the upper hand and John fell down from the second floor. I drived him here and went to finish the hunt."

"Stubborn idiot..." Dean mumbled.

"Huh?"

"I said stubborn idiot. He could've just as easily wait 'til you got there. But no, mr. John Winchester had to take care of this alone. I mean, what's the point in calling for help if you know it won't get there in time?" Dean said.

"I think that's what they call faith", Caleb said. Dean turned to look at him, confused. "You _don't _always know will you get help in time. But you still ask for it. Everyone in their own way. Some people ask help from God, some call friends, some snuggle under their parents' arms... Some turn to their big brothers", Caleb said, pointing at Sam. "And sometimes even the big brother should have a little faith."

"Well, that's the difference between me and Sam, isn't it? He doesn't have to have faith in the fact that I'll be there, I'll _always _be there. He _knows _that. And he tries to be there for me and he's actually very good at it but he's ten. _Ten. _And as much as I appreciate him trying it's just... Sometimes it's just not enough", Dean said quietly. The truth was that Dean didn't want it to be enough. He wanted to have the right to turn to someone older every once in a while. Just for a change.

"Ever heard of a telephone, Dean?"

"What?"

"You know that amazing thing you use to call people that you can't see."

"And how often exactly are you home?" Dean asked, knowing what Caleb was trying to say.

"That's why someone came up with voice mail. God bless him", Caleb replied. He smiled a little to the younger hunter and a little wider when he saw a teeny tiny grin on Dean's face,

Suddenly they heard a moan coming from the youngest one in the room and Dean's grin faded as the big brother kicked in. "Sammy?"

"No..."

"Sammy...? Hey, wake up, buddy. It's okay..."

"DAD!!!" Sam almost dropped off his chair as he jerked up, his eyes wide with horror and shiny with tears. He looked at John in the hospital bed and seemed beyond confused. "Dad? Wh..."

"Sam!"

Sam turned his head to Dean who was now kneeling down next to him. "Dean? What's going on, where...?" Then it all came back to him with a big wave. The horror left his eyes and turned into that fear that had been there since pastor Jim had called them. He sank back on his chair and and hugged his knees up to his chest. Dean almost hear the faint click that came from Sam locking himself up.

"Had a nightmare?" Dean asked. Sam shrugged. Oh yeah, locked up and swallowed the key. Dean turned to look at Caleb who nodded and stood up.

"I'll be back in an hour", he said and left the room.

Dean waited until he had closed the door and then turned his attention fully on his brother. "So, you had a nightmare." Now it wasn't a question but Sam still shrugged, his eyes never leaving John. "Wanna talk about it?" No response. "You tell me when you want to, huh?" Nothing. "You hungry? Caleb brought burgers."

That caught Sam's attention. He was too hungry to pretend that he wasn't and took the burger Dean took from the bag Caleb had left with gratitude. The room was quiet, silence being disturbed only by the sounds of the machines that surrounded John and Sam's eating.

"Does Dad know I love him?" Sam suddenly asked, catching Dean completely off guard.

"Of course he does! Why'd you ask that?"

"Because I never say it! And I should. Everyone diservers to know that they're loved", Sam said.

"Where's this coming from, Sammy?" Dean asked.

"It's just the way it is", Sam said. He threw the empty burger paper to the trash can and silence fell on the boys again. "How do people know that they're loved if no one ever tells it to them?" Sam asked, breaking the short silence into thousand pieces.

"Uh... I guess people act different when they're with the people they love", Dean said, not really knowing what Sam meant.

"Like how?"

"Well, you know... They'd do anything for people they love, they want to protect them... They don't get angry about little stuff, they behave nicer and they always apologize if they've been fighting. It's in their actions, Sammy. Even if they don't say it."

"So everyone knows they're loved by someone?" Sam asked.

"Yeah... I think so."

What a nice little picture had he drawn again. There must had been millions of people who couldn't even dare to think they were loved. Mary use to tell Dean every night that God loved him, that God loved everyone and back then Dean had believed it. But no more. He had seen way too much. And sometimes, when Dean came across with the most horrible things in this world, he thought God would be unfair if he would love everyone and every_thing_.

"I love you, Dean", Sam said quietly. Dean raised his eyebrows at the little boy who just shrugged. "Needed to make sure you know."

"Uh... Thanks... Love you, too, little brother."

"What if he doesn't wake up, Dean?" Sam asked, his voice trembling.

"Sammy..."

"I need to tell him that I love him! I want him to see me graduate. I want him to know how much I miss him when he's on a hunt, I want him to know how proud I am that he kills evil things that no one else can kill! I want him to know that I'm not angry at him when he leaves... Dean, I need to tell him! I need to tell him, he has to know..."

And just like that, the boy who wanted so bad to be there for his big brother for a change, turned back into the boy who Dean protected with all his life. And he was still happy to do it.

"It's okay, Sammy", Dean said as he hugged Sam. "He will wake up. You'll see. Everything is gonna be fine."

_Please, God... Help me a little here._

--

_I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.  
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking:  
All the things I should have said, but I never said.  
All the things we should have done, but we never did.  
All the things I should have given, but I didn't.  
Oh, darling, make it go,  
Make it go away!_

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

**...tbc...**

**AN: **Well, that was fun to write. Hope it was fun to read, too. See ya soon with the next chapter.

Lots of Love, tell me what you think of it.

**Lyrics: **Kate Bush, This Woman's Work


	6. Chapter 6

**What Destiny Is**

**AN: **This is last chapter. I am so tired right now and I won't have the energy to update this story anymore. I might wrote few oneshots but I won't begin a long story 'til at least July.

Tell me what ya think.

**Warning: **Mild language

**Disclaimer: **No, not mine

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

**Chapter six**

Sam was ten. Or ten and half an hour. Dean couldn't believe it. His little Sammy had now reached his second decade. Unbelieveble.

Next stop: first kill.

God, Dean hoped that wouldn't be any time soon. Ten or not, Sam was still the baby of the family and already the brains of it. He was out to become something big. Like a doctor or a... loyar. Or something like that. _I bet he'd need a haircut even then _Dean thought as he looked at his brother, who was trying to concentrate on a cartoon a nurse had brought him. Yeah, it would be tough to get back to school rythm, but for some reason the boys didn't care that much.

"Happy birthday, Sammy", Dean said quietly. Sam looked up at him and then looked at the clock.

"Oh... Thanks."

"Guess you're now two full hands old", Dean tried to joke. A ghost of a smile appeared on Sam's face as he read his cartoon.

"I thought I'd become just like you..." he said suddenly. "You know, brave, smart, cool..."

_Being me really isn't that glamourous... _"Sammy, I really think you're the smarter one of us two. I mean, you did my history homework last week!" Dean said.

Sam was confused. "But the answers were right there in the book. You just didn't want to read it! You always know what to say and do without any help from a book! And everyone thinks you're cool and you're not afraid of anything!"

"You're ten. You're not suppose to be cool yet", Dean said. "And why should I be afraid of anything when I've got you and Dad backing me up?"

Sam looked like he had got the best birthday present ever. Dean really didn't know what in what he had said made Sam so damn happy but for Sam those words meant that he _could _infact be like his brother one day. And _damn _if he didn't grow up to be taller than Dean.

"We should make something to Dad for his next birthday", Sam said.

"Dude, it's _your _birthday. Let's just concentrate on that right now, okay?" Dean replied.

"But we can't!" Sam said, nodding to John. "We could get something useful to Dad. He's always complaning about the old knives."

Dean didn't know what to think. This should be Sam's day. And there he was, thinking about getting knife to his Dad for his birthday. That was just... so damn wrong. So not the way it was suppose to be. Dean thought about the tickets that were placed under his pillow. He had planned to put them in Sam's schoolbag so he would find them there on his own. Just the thought of the smile they would have brought to Sam's face made Dean smile himself.

"Hey Caleb."

Dean shook his head when he heard Sam's voice. Caleb smiled a little and closed the door.

"Happy birthday, kid", he said.

"Thanks. You think Dad would like a new knife?" Sam asked.

"Huh?"

"You know, for his birthday present", Sam said.

"But Sam, it's _your _birthday..."

"I know that. But still..."

"No buts. Your brother put way too much thought in this day for you to just ignore it", Caleb said.

"Oh, yeah! The baseball tickets!"

Dean's eyes went wide and he blushed a little. "How do you...? You KNOW about the baseball tickets?" he asked. _Oh great... Juuust great. This was so not suppose to happen. No no no no no..._

"Yeah... I uh... I heard you talking last night..." Sam said and blushed himself. "It would have been fun to go..."

Dean looked away. Anywhere but Sam. The walls, Caleb, John, the ceiling, John, the machines, the window, John... John... John!!!

"Dad?"

Had he moved? Had it just been Dean's wild imagination, a way of his mind to play a cruel trick on him. Or had he actually moved?

"Dad!"

It was Caleb who reached for the call-button. Before they knew it a doctor in his fifties came in with the nurse that had brought Sam the cartoon.

_Dad's waking up. Maybe Sam's birthday wouldn't be completely ruined. Maybe I can actually bring the letter that had been send to his father nack to his teacher. Oh, fuck, I forgot to do the dishes, Dad won't be too happy about that. Sammy hadn't done all his homework. I haven't done my homework. I didn't keep Sam safe... _

_I didn't keep Sammy safe..._

"Dean, you okay?"

_Huh? Of course I am, my Dad's waking up!_

_I didn't keep Sammy safe..._

"Dean!"

But just then Dean's body decided it had had enough and shut down. Dean felt his head hit the floor and winced before everything turned black.

--

Confusing... The bed was soft... But... last time Dean had checked he had slept in a chair... Was he home? Had it all been a dream? What the hell was going on...?

"Dean? Dean, wake up!" someone urged. _Wake up?! It's Dad that was sleeping! _"Come on, Dean! Dad's already awake, you can't sleep!" _Dad's awake?!_

With more effort than usually, Dean lifted his eyelids to see his littlebrother's face just few inches from his own. "Dad's awake?"

Sam smiled. "Yeah. You passed out just when he was waking up. The doctor says it's because of exhaustion and because you haven't eaten", he said.

"I had a cheeseburger..." Dean deffended himself.

"When?"

Dean opened his mouth but shut it when he realized he didn't remember. "Well, it wasn't that long time ago. Yesterday", he said. Sam just shook his head, not really amused. "So... Where's Dad?"

"He's in his room. He wanted to come and see you but the doctor said he has to stay still. And you were practically just sleeping so he said that once you wake up and get some food you can sign out", Sam answered.

"How long have I been out?" Dean asked, pushing himself into sitting position.

"About..." Sam looked at the clock. "Almost 24 hours", he said.

_Crap! _"Oh God... Sam, I'm so sorry", Dean said, falling back on his pillows.

"Why?" Sam asked, totally confused.

"I wanted this day to be special. You know. And I slept through it", Dean said.

"But it wasn't your fault! Anyone would have fainted..."

"I did _not _faint. Girls faint when they see a superstar or something", Dean said.

"Whatever. I'm not mad at you. At least my birthday was interesting. And there's still 15 minutes left of it", Sam said.

"You wanna do something special? Go run around the hospital and go hit on hot nurses?" Dean joked half-heartedly. He felt bad, despite of what Sam had said. He was right, anyone could have passed out because of exhaustion but still...

"Girls are stupid", Sam said, pulling Dean out of his thoughts.

"So go hit on guy nurses."

"Dean!"

"What? You said girls are stupid so what's there left? 'Cept for Caleb... Still haven't figured out which one he is..."

"Dean!!!"

"Just joking, Sammy."

There was a silence. Sam's mouth opened up few times but no words came out. Finally he took a deep breath and asked: "Why'd you buy me the tickets?"

Dean raised his eyebrows. "Why not? It was your birthday gift for Christ's sake, you're not suppose to ask that!" he said.

"But... I have never..."

"Littlebrother's aren't suppose to."

"Yes they are!"

"Well, not when they are nine."

"I'm ten."

"You were nine when I last had birthday. Now would you stop? It's not big deal, you turned ten, I wanted you to have something extra special. I know soccer tickets would have been even more great but..."

"No... I like baseball. It's more fun to watch. You know... I love it when the hit the homerun..."

As Sam yawned Dean noticed just how tired he looked. "Have you slept at all today?" he asked.

"A couple of hours", Sam said. "Been talking with Dad and been here with you." Dean shook his head and made space on the bed.

"What, you wanna faint like a girl and go to another room?" he asked when Sam looked surprised. "Now come on, there's lots of space here."

Sam didn't have to be asked twice. He kicked off his shoes and climbed to the bed next to Dean. He snuggled closer to Dean and closed his eyes. "I'm gonna get you something special", he said before he fell asleep. "You know, for your birthday. And Dad that knife... Yes..."

Dean smiled a little. _Aren't you a big boy _he thought as he watched Sam's chest go up and down. That was a motion Dean hoped, no, prayed that he would never have to witness stopping. If it was Dean's destiny to make sure that that motion didn't end 'til Sam was old and lying on his bed surrounded by grand children then so be it. He wouldn't complain. No matter how hard the job would get by the years. Sam wouldn't have to know about Dean's plans to protect him. He shouldn't have to feel guilty about that, as he no doubt would. The kid was still just nine years old...

No, wait...

Ten.

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

**...the end...**

**AN: **Tell me what ya think, please! All of you. :D I'm sorry, I'm so tired, I'm gonna go to sleep now...

Lots of Love


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